We often define ourselves by the pieces of life that we have felt good about. The degree, the new job, the achieved goal, the success.
But what of the failures.....? Truly.
What of the moments or years that kicked our ass. What of those moments when our hearts lay bare to the proverbial foot treading upon it,..pushing gravel against it, ..into it. What of those moments so raw, ...the disapointment, the endings, the failures. They are a part of us too, so why do we work so hard to push them away, to deflect or erase them?
Those moments can lead us to courageous new beginnings, if only we welcome the sheer vulnerability it takes to start anew. Many days I am up for that challenge, ... other days, not so much. I get knocked to the ground sometimes by simply feeling into a friend's fear to move forward.... or by focusing too intently on how scary it is to really be open to getting hurt.
I don't want others to believe the protected me, the fearful me.. is Me.
Because it isnt.
Protected me, isn't me at my most. It is me when I am scared.
If I cling to fear of future emotional pain, how will I possibly live within my now? How can I possibly experience any Joy meant for me...if I am too afraid to open my heart again.
I want what was once part of my unraveling to become my guts, and my gall...I want it to become the grit that defines me. I want the scar of that gravel on my heart to show others I have courage. I want it to become the fabric of me that inspires others; that makes them say, ..."if she can pick herself up, then I can". I want to be brave. I want others to see my brave, my courage, my sincerity to be open to hurt, ...my beauty.
Because, ...I believe there is beauty in the breakdown.
(...a belief that makes me want to listen to a favorite song, from a favorite movie of mine from 2002. A song & flick that throw me back to being deep in my own breakdown & so afraid to feel it; so I perpetuated it for 12 more years).
drink up baby doll, .. are you in? or are you out? Leave your things behind 'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me,.. you're writing your tragedy These mishaps, ...you're bubble-wrap.. You've no idea what you're like..
So, let go, ...let go Jump in Oh well, ...what you waiting for?
It's all right 'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, ...let go Just get in Oh, it's so amazing here It's all right 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives, And then it rises with the fall So hand me that remote Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure, ...we've no time for later Now you can't await your own arrival, .....you've twenty seconds to comply
So, let go, ...so let go Jump in Oh well, what you waiting for? It's alright 'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, yeah let go Just get in Oh, it's so amazing here It's all right 'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown