So to know someone ... like, to truly feel connection with another, ....to love their Being,... must it be that you've known one another for a significant length of time. My answer..... Absolutely not. It can happen in an instant. In one instant. I believe, with my lifeblood, that God brings us together with an absolute purpose, and that our spirit recognizes immediately the need for the other.
An "other" to lift us, challenge us, to anger us, to delight us, ...to stretch us.
Gifts. Each and every one of Us for the Other. These gifts, ..individuals who reach into our lives and help to develop us, .... come in all forms. As friend, coworker, Pastor,...the list goes on.
Marriage has been intriguing me of late. The whole idea of it, ... this certificate of union. Our partners are extensions of ourselves - for sure. We unify to bring about an ease, to bring about security & joy. All of these reasons are certain, and powerful & true. But,... I of late... have been thinking about how we, each,...man/woman/child/creature ... we each grow @ our own pace. And with different depth & grace.
We grow at completely different development speeds.
I believe this may be why so many marriages crumble, or suffer.Partnership is about team.Teamwork. Team doesn't work with ONE. As we know, finding rhythm among many isn't always easy. It takes work, and sometimes takes an outsider (counselor/coach) to come into the fold to help the team see value in one another. To help us see that slower is sometimes beneficial - in the right moment - or that faster and agile gets the job done. To see that your strong legs, ..coupled with my strong arms,...makes us pretty good.
We place an immense amount of pressure upon one another to grow TOGETHER.
But that just ISN'T how it happens.
No one receives the same growth from the same situation. What strengthens one, may weaken an other. Wherein one finds grace, another may find confusion or inability. We just don't grow at the same speed, or from the same scenarios. .....and this is where judgments OCCUR. Resentments form, ...misunderstandings arise.
When division often trumps unity.
We can not force one another to fly.
It results in certain, ..certain.. death. The word marriage embodies an image of man/woman, woman/woman, man/man,..(however the image manifests for you personally, there are plenty)..and not just marriages of love, but of partnership. Marriages between friends, coworkers, businesses, .....Unity.
The only way to provide the other half with truest comfort is to offer them Grace ....Grace to learn, to achieve, to falter, to succeed, ...to move forth, and sometimes to remain stagnant... hard as that can be,.. but we have to offer the other the grace of time.
If only we could become more fluid,... with one another,... so our unions wont expire.
I was profoundly thankful for my husband; for his humor, and for his pain. We were extremely individual within our union. Not meaning that we did things without the other as rule, but meaning we were growing very separately, very uniquely.
Similar path, individual experience.
It was not my purpose to insist he learn at the same pace I did, or take away the same experience I took from any given situation. That wasn't my place. I did for many a year work at picking him up when he was in a place of struggle. I did feel that was within my higher purpose here on Earth. To lend him love and assistance and yes, tough love when needed. To help him focus on the realities of our lives. He saw my assistance as a form of control however,...which was never my intention.
We were never,.. neck & neck,... never had been ....which was a source of pain for many years pre-marriage. Lots of growth, and stagnation along the same path but in different mortal bodies. Marriage provided a clear definition; for one another,.. &,.. for the world occuring around us. It showed our Universe that we held a profound love for the other. It did not however, cure our differences. We had growth to do there..
Different people, places & things fed us individually, in addition to our own hearts.
I afforded him the Grace to grow, independently,.... and to our detriment, I afforded him the Grace to remain stuck. It took time and lots of life experience, and moments of doing it WRONG. Union is a path .... it's a path of risk really. The risk of growing without them, or alongside them.... before them, or after them.
I see where I could have given more, or differently. I see where I should have drawn lines. I see where I was doing the best I could in the given moment, as was he.
Walking alongside another with a two foot rope connecting your wrists isn't easy. When I pull left, you may pull right. I'm still contemplating the normalcy of it all. Just a true intrigue to me in finding the rhythm of it, and just another reason for me to adore horses & mules all the more,.... they do this kind of walking in harnesses frequently & find similar stride. I guess we are quite like the horses, ... but certainly some are better teams than others.