a DIVINE purpose
I'm a little bit tomboy, ... a little bit refined. I'm a whole lot of joy & definitely ... tied.
I am a mother, a sister, a daughter & a friend.
I adore nature, and early American history, and find myself pulled towards.. anything, ....&... everything, that shines.
I am learning as I live; carving new pathways for the rivers and streams of thought in my mind to rebirth in each new moment. I,.. daily, wear my heart outside of myself because in doing so, I learn to feel, ...and feeling, ..although healthy, isn't always an easy task.
One must learn how to live life, ...unaided, even in the happiest, most beautiful and sensual of moments.
I'm an optimist at heart meaning specifically,... I can find a silver lining in neary everything. I find myself in pockets of discord from time to time, ...and feel EVERYTHING to the 29millionth power and then some ...(which is a huge piece of my story), ...
however, I generally find I am a happy-go-lucky gal.
Here, you will find my stories of redemption, my prayers and fears, ...my loneliness, my happiness, my lessons, my style, (pictures of boots and handbags), .. animals, Madonnas w/ Child, ....just about anything and everything, ... appropriately, Me.
I was born to two beautiful parents whose love & youth, although strong, buried them alive.
Theirs was a love that shined for some time together, ...just not enough time, together, with Me.
I lived with my mother & sister and we were the Three Muskateers, .... making it day by day. Mom worked, and some days were happy, some were sad, but all in all I was loved.
At an early point, ....nature & music created an ardor in me, ...nurturing me along. Music took me into the imagined bright lights of the stage, and to the rolling wheels of the road. And my imagination took me everywhere else.. the promise of travel always in my mind.
With a profound love of horses, I would play for hours pretending to be one, amid the gardens of the home where our rented, carriage house stood. The mossy, brick walkways wove themselves between the boxwoods, & ferns, .. by rosebushes & under majestic trees that would have spoken if they could.
It was there among the Gardens that I grew. It was there I would play, or dream, or cry. It was there I would pray to a Heavenly power I was yet to truly know.
The walkways, ...those herringbone brick paths, were spirited with energy from the past one hundred & fifty years, and my sensibilities were strong, .. they still are. It was within the gardens that I came to understand my time here on earth is shared with the vibrations of former children, mothers & fathers, former dreamers, ..slaves, soldiers, & animals.
It was there I came to believe our energy never stills even after our mortal bodies die.
I grew up in Pennsylvania among wonderful friends & family and in lush rolling surroundings. Mom remarried when I was 9 and life was plentiful. My sister & I would swim at Maple Grove, ...a local, spring-fed, inground pool, and we would spend hours outside together. Sharing, escaping,...from our half happy, half torn lives.
All along, ....strung through these happy, happy years, was a sadness, ....a sorrow... I could never quite name. The music, & nature, friends & family always helped take the surface sorrow away...until,...around eighth grade when I was 13 & had my first emboldened moments in alcohol. Little did I know then, that the zeal I would find in drinking would later become my ultimate escape from that former, unnamed sorrow ... and most sadly from my deepest happinesses.
It is here, ... that I wish to share.
Pieces of my divine purpose unfolding through a blog about my journey.
As Rumi said, "Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure"... and ... "Love generates Love".
I hope to bear gifts here.
Feel free to respond or to reside here with me, among my thoughts. What I bring, .. I bring in love, because giving & receiving Love is a true, shining desire of mine. It's here I will sparkle, as my sparkle helps me heal. ...It is my own divine reflection.
Also...let's just agree right now,... I probably should have been a barrel-racing, Rodeo star. All of my dreams may have come together there... bravely bursting from the gates to loud rock & roll, riding a Mare of strength & grace,.... rhinestoned chaps gleaming amid the dust ... traveling from town to town. But, let's understand,.. it's a late vision realized through my slow discovery of self ...
...a standing dream at age 42. My other unsung dream was to be in a band,.. singer, guitarist, lyricist, traveler.
& one more thing,.. I've neglected to mention I have an insane love of fashion; specifically 70's Halston Glamour (think Amy Adams in American Hustle), classic cowgirl-western/turqouis denimesque, anything leather,.. or suede or fur,....& my favorite tee shirts. I never turn away from a draping silk blouse, (paired with something boy) and I have always adored diamonds, ...and pearls.. and anything ridiculously feminine. Lest I forget my adoration of all things "boot".... heeled, or cowboy, or Frye.
I am a classically refined tomboy. You'll see.